《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧）
2002-03-25 00:55 | mary_c_z
这个是我在大学演的第一个搞笑剧，其实我以前都演正剧的，没想到自从这个以后，大家竟然以为我一直是演搞笑剧的，倒死了 Peacock Flies Towards the Southeast
Peacock flies
Wanders every five miles
焦仲卿Johnny (J for short) 刘兰芝Lunch (L for short)
焦母Johnny’s mother (JM for short) 刘母Lunch’s mother (LM for short)
太守之子Mayor’s son (MS for short) 强盗Burglars (A B and C)
Prologue
(J 作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒, J 被打中, 狼狈不堪)
J: Everybody says that I’m henpecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger, (小声) while my
wife is Wu Song.
(指着上台处的门大声道) I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆, Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头) Then, I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me. All this I do not care. I only want her to be tender
than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒, 击中J)
My God! Who can help me? (下)
Act 1
(序幕结束时, JM作窃听状)
JM (拄拐棍上): I can!
(对门内) Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?
L (扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来): I’m here! What’s up mum?
JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and
dearest mother-in-law”.
L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so
lazy……
L: But……
JM: Never interrupt me!
L: Never interrupt me! Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all
day long, cooking and washing. I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and……
JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L (生气地挥动着锅铲): Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you? (开始解围裙) Go and ask your
son. I’m leaving! (扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act 2
(LM 坐在台上打毛线, L 拿着锅铲上)
L: Mum, I’m back!
LM: You are back? Why? What happened?
L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother –in-law.
LM (惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情): See! I have already told you! When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny, I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. Look at yourself……
L: But, mum……
LM: Never interrupt me!
L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And
I’ll marry whomever you want me to.
LM (大喜): Nice girl! Just now, I met the mayor’s son in the market. He said: “If you daughter
Haven’t been married, I really really want to marry her!” Now you are free again, I’ll go
and tell him. (下)
L (惊愕): What? The mayor’s son? The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅
铲掉在地上) What a silly thing I have done! (下)
Act 3
(J 睡眼惺忪上)
J (边走边道): Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子) Here they are! (闻一下) Er! How smelly! They are still dirty!
(突然想起) Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来) Oh, I’m so hungry! But there’s no breakfast! (捡起地上的围
裙) This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now
she has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM (上): Where’s my breakfast? Where’s Lunch? Hasn’t she got up yet?
J: Mum, can’t you remember? Lunch has gone!
JM (沉吟片刻): Well, to tell you the truth Johnny, a son without a wife is useless. Lunch is a nice
girl, go and take her back!
J (立正敬礼): Yes madam!
Act 4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!
The road is built by me! (抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B: And I planted one tree! (亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C: If you want to go by this street--- (欲踩石头，但踩到了A 的脚)
A B & C: Give us all your money!
J (搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币): Is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A: What bad luck! This guy is broken!
B: If we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C: I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lanzhi next month. WE can go and
rob the wedding!
A & B: Good idea!
J (惊讶): What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible!
A B & C: Why? A pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!
J: But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意) I’ve got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? I’ll go
with you. You take the money and I take the bride.
B: Have you got any experience?
J: No. But I’ve got this! (J 脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)
Act 5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
A B C & J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!
A: The road is built by me!
B: And I planted one tree.
C: If you want to go by this street---
J: Give us all your money!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L (惊喜万分): Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了 的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J (火冒三丈): How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J (扶起L，关切地问): Honey, how are you?
L (哭状): I hurt a lot!
J: Don’t cry baby. I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L (起身去追): Wait for me! (跑下)
(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)
~ The End ~
Freyia gave me some of the ideas of this play. We first performed it in December 1999. All actors and actresses were from the drama group of Mixed 99. They were: Peter Baw ( as Johnny), Tsi Wang ( as Johnny’s mother), Toni Tang ( as Lunch’s mother), Albert Low ( as Mayor’s son), Freyia Zhao Fey Wong and Laura Wong ( as burglars), and I myself ( as Lunch).
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[img]http://album.yinsha.com/userdb/1380390/1380390025/a349229.jpg
Peacock flies
Wanders every five miles
焦仲卿Johnny (J for short) 刘兰芝Lunch (L for short)
焦母Johnny’s mother (JM for short) 刘母Lunch’s mother (LM for short)
太守之子Mayor’s son (MS for short) 强盗Burglars (A B and C)
Prologue
(J 作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒, J 被打中, 狼狈不堪)
J: Everybody says that I’m henpecked, but in fact, I’m as strong as a tiger, (小声) while my
wife is Wu Song.
(指着上台处的门大声道) I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆, Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头) Then, I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood. She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me. All this I do not care. I only want her to be tender
than me. But she is not! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒, 击中J)
My God! Who can help me? (下)
Act 1
(序幕结束时, JM作窃听状)
JM (拄拐棍上): I can!
(对门内) Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?
L (扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来): I’m here! What’s up mum?
JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and
dearest mother-in-law”.
L: OK. My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
JM: Since you married my son you have behaved so badly. You have been so rude, so brusque, so
lazy……
L: But……
JM: Never interrupt me!
L: Never interrupt me! Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all
day long, cooking and washing. I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and……
JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L (生气地挥动着锅铲): Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you? (开始解围裙) Go and ask your
son. I’m leaving! (扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act 2
(LM 坐在台上打毛线, L 拿着锅铲上)
L: Mum, I’m back!
LM: You are back? Why? What happened?
L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother –in-law.
LM (惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情): See! I have already told you! When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny, I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. Look at yourself……
L: But, mum……
LM: Never interrupt me!
L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And
I’ll marry whomever you want me to.
LM (大喜): Nice girl! Just now, I met the mayor’s son in the market. He said: “If you daughter
Haven’t been married, I really really want to marry her!” Now you are free again, I’ll go
and tell him. (下)
L (惊愕): What? The mayor’s son? The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅
铲掉在地上) What a silly thing I have done! (下)
Act 3
(J 睡眼惺忪上)
J (边走边道): Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子) Here they are! (闻一下) Er! How smelly! They are still dirty!
(突然想起) Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来) Oh, I’m so hungry! But there’s no breakfast! (捡起地上的围
裙) This is what Lunch always wears! I miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now
she has gone. I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM (上): Where’s my breakfast? Where’s Lunch? Hasn’t she got up yet?
J: Mum, can’t you remember? Lunch has gone!
JM (沉吟片刻): Well, to tell you the truth Johnny, a son without a wife is useless. Lunch is a nice
girl, go and take her back!
J (立正敬礼): Yes madam!
Act 4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!
The road is built by me! (抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B: And I planted one tree! (亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C: If you want to go by this street--- (欲踩石头，但踩到了A 的脚)
A B & C: Give us all your money!
J (搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币): Is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A: What bad luck! This guy is broken!
B: If we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C: I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lanzhi next month. WE can go and
rob the wedding!
A & B: Good idea!
J (惊讶): What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impossible!
A B & C: Why? A pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!
J: But Lunch is my wife! We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意) I’ve got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? I’ll go
with you. You take the money and I take the bride.
B: Have you got any experience?
J: No. But I’ve got this! (J 脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)
Act 5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
A B C & J: Hey you! Stop and listen to us!
A: The road is built by me!
B: And I planted one tree.
C: If you want to go by this street---
J: Give us all your money!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L (惊喜万分): Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了 的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J (火冒三丈): How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J (扶起L，关切地问): Honey, how are you?
L (哭状): I hurt a lot!
J: Don’t cry baby. I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L (起身去追): Wait for me! (跑下)
(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)
~ The End ~
Freyia gave me some of the ideas of this play. We first performed it in December 1999. All actors and actresses were from the drama group of Mixed 99. They were: Peter Baw ( as Johnny), Tsi Wang ( as Johnny’s mother), Toni Tang ( as Lunch’s mother), Albert Low ( as Mayor’s son), Freyia Zhao Fey Wong and Laura Wong ( as burglars), and I myself ( as Lunch).
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[img]http://album.yinsha.com/userdb/1380390/1380390025/a349229.jpg